Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
