you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
