i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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