I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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