this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
