Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
