Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
