ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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