i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
