Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
