47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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