I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
