why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
