There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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