'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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