what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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