how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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