Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize