a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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