what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
