If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
