Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
