well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
