can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
