One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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