fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
