I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
