i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
