Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
