he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
