Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
