woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
