I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
