I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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