Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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