Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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