Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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