I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
