Whod you bang
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
