I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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