Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
