i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
