She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
