between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
