it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
