I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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