About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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