You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize