i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
