Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
this will be a night to untag.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
