Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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