well I can't set my house on fire every night
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
