Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
