I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
