are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
