i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
