i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
