I bet he comes in French.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
