I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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