$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
