I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
