and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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