If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
