clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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