the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
