My first STD was from a foam party
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
