is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
