Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
