His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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