The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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