hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
