JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
