Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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