so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think I have vodka in my lungs
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
