Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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