I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
