I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
