Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
