I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
