Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
